ophelia's blog

a hacker, a fed, and a nun walk into a bar…

Cyber Shockwave? WTF is this shit?

with 21 comments

“This bot attack has spread from the wireless network to the internet.” “Virus migrating from cell phones to computers.” –Actual quotes from Cyber Shockwave

evil h4x0rs preparing to blow shit up

Heavy on the buzzwords, thin on the substance, and maximum FUD – that was basically what the whole exercise in stupidity futility hysteria “cyber warfare” was about.

Someone apparently thought that it was oh-so-likely that a smartphone app could be used to crash the entire cellular network, which somehow “infects” the internet, takes down air control systems, electrical grids, and…KABOOM! All this with this strange little something called ‘hax’.

Because, you know, all these systems are somehow connected to one another, and if one little part is pwned, it spreads to the entire system, goes on to spread and take down other seemingly unrelated systems, and then OMG DOMINO EFFECT EVERYTHING CAME CRASHING DOWN BECAUSE OF SOME EVIL H4X0RS!! THOSE H4X0RS, I’m telling you! Everything is down OH LAWD bring on the FUD and line my pockets with government contracts and restrict the internet!  IT COULD ALL COME CRASHING DOWN if we can’t have our filthy little tentacles slithering all over it and controlling everything! LOCK DOWN THE INTERNETS!!

h4x0rz were teh evilz and looked like this, even in 1995

The saddest thing is that most people don’t know any better, and those ignoramuses, brought up in a state of constant OMG TECHNOLOGY IS DANGEROUS AND IS GONNA KILL US OH FUCK PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN would push for and support draconian measures to lock-down the internet. Of course, this is what the FUD mongers want (apart from more and more $$$, all the time). If people behind this crap actually gave two shits about accuracy, they would talk to people who knew at least enough about security to mock their bullshit to their faces and send the whole exercise to the drawing board.

One of the best examples of how those blabbering talking heads didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about was when they mentioned that the government “Can’t control the electrical grid from a central control…as the systems are different…” and that there are “thousands of different systems in the electrical grid.” Well, if that is the case, how the fuck did anyone think it is possible for the entire grid to be pwned by the same “rogue-smartphone-app-botnet-virus-whateverthefucktheycalleditatthe50minutemark” that took down all the other parts of the grid – and even all the other systems – and not only that, but at the same time?


(They probably learnt what a botnet was last Thursday in a cram session to make sure they looked like what passes off as ‘good’ on TV. Ignoramuses.)

What exactly do they think makes such a retarded scenario possible? Are they telling us that all those systems are public-facing? All of them – every single one – linked to the public internet? If that were the case, those responsible should be prosecuted for criminal negligence. They deserve to get pwned for being that retarded, but this level of ignorance is fucking criminal.

Now, now…I don’t think that is the case at all. Not all of these systems are public-facing, and there isn’t one central command that controls all the systems that OMG ONCE IT GETS PWNED EVERYTHING TOPPLES DOWN LIKE DOMINOS. Therefore, the only excuse I can think of for this embarrassment of an exercise is that they took technical advice from Hollywood. That makes sense now, doesn’t it?

As I earlier remarked on Twitter, why didn’t they ask real hackers for input on Cyber Shockwave? Oh, right – we’re all evil berserkers who blow shit up via smartphone apps.

a h4x0r stealing your gigahertz

Disclaimer: This post is heavy on the sarcasm, insults, and my weird sense of humor. If you don’t get it or are too stupid to figure it out, I’m sure Carolyn Meinel would be perfectly willing to help you. Now, GTFO.


Written by ophelia

February 22, 2010 at 6:36 am

Posted in FAIL, rants

Tagged with , , , ,

21 Responses

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  1. OMG Funny. Some of this is true today, but would have to be very coordinated to occur. For example, take out DNS and what happens to most traffic?


    February 22, 2010 at 1:25 pm

  2. Carolyn Meinel lol


    February 22, 2010 at 2:25 pm

  3. ps ophelia you’re one of the hottest hackers ever


    February 22, 2010 at 2:30 pm

  4. You’re an idiot, ophelia. Breaking into systems is never justified, just like it is never justified to break into someone’s home even if you don’t steal anything. The reason real hackers weren’t asked for input is because hackers are sociopathic children who thrive on the misery of others, and we shouldn’t listen to those who have no respect for privacy while hiding behind their computers and their parents basements. You make me sick. You’re a girl, and pretty attractive, I don’t think you’d have a problem finding a good man to take care of you, but yet you hang out with a bunch of computer criminals at criminal hacker conventions. You make me sick.


    February 22, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    • @stopthehackers
      wth dude? A good man to take care of her? What is this, 1920?

      Modern hacking generally isn’t about tearing shit up at all, but about things like penetration testing and system security and ways to improve it.


      February 22, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    • Right? Thank you for finally stepping up and telling the truth about this nasty subculture.



      February 22, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    • Riiiight…hackers are evil sociopathic children and you didn’t play with your little weiner while thinking about rooting my box. Oh wait – what were we talking about again?


      February 22, 2010 at 6:16 pm

      • You are as gross as the hacker boys. Yuck.


        February 22, 2010 at 7:05 pm

  5. Hey hackers have no problem:

    a) Looking good
    b) attracting incredibly hot specimens of the opposite sex.

    If you don’t believe me just watch swordfish. Its the film where Halle got her Berries out.

    Anyway, I’ve forgotten the point I was trying to make with that one.

    Oh yeah that’s it…

    @stopthehackers hacking is a bit like cheating. It’s the thrill of the hunt in order to gain root access to a box that doesn’t belong to you.

    It’s not right – but sure is fun and everyone’s doing it 🙂

    The Cynic

    February 22, 2010 at 4:56 pm

  6. “You’re an idiot, ophelia. Breaking into systems is never justified, just like it is never justified to break into someone’s home even if you don’t steal anything. ”

    You really think it is not justified when an ethical hacker breaks into bank systems with permission when hired by a bank for a penetration test ? Ethical hackers perform such tests to advise banks how to improve their systems, and to prevent criminals from accessing your bank account.

    Apparently you don’t understand that hackers don’t need to be evil or criminal, and that many hackers are working in information security, while others are involved in forensic IT work, supporting law enforcement organisations.

    Not every hacker is a criminal, and I know hundreds of hackers who assist in making the internet a safer place.


    February 22, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    • If there weren’t sociopathic hackers in the first place, there would be no need for companies to spend money on expensive security people. Stop being fooled by hackers.

      Ophelia fanboys need to stop drooling over her breasts as well. Disgusting hacker children.


      February 22, 2010 at 7:04 pm

  7. I am using a proxy, so don’t think about sending your disgusting hacker fanboys after me, ophelia. Go back and make me a sandwich and then get down on your knees for your hacker fanboys okay?


    February 22, 2010 at 7:07 pm

  8. You know the main people making your proxy cold be hackers too. Just a thought before you keep spouting your uninformed thoughts on the hacker subculture.


    February 22, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    • Ophelia doesn’t know anything about hacking to save her life. Her boyfriend probably wrote this post and she’s using her name to post because she has breasts, and hacker fanboys like that.


      February 22, 2010 at 9:01 pm

      • What boyfriend? Are you talking about my last boyfriend – who didn’t know what Linux was before meeting me?

        Oh snap!

        Oooh, and what is this about ‘hacker fanboys’ and ‘breasts’? As insulting me failed to get a rise out of me, you’re resorting to insulting my friends and readers? Why so pathetic?

        Some friendly advice: You should think about getting another hobby. You suck at trolling.


        February 22, 2010 at 9:06 pm

      • @stopthehackers
        You’re just funny. I mean you made me laugh. Thanks for that

        Now first of all where is your proof that we are sociopaths? I know for a fact that I’m not one. I am pretty sure Ophelia isn’t one. Most of my friends are hackers (does that make me a ring leader? I always wanted to be one) and they aren’t.

        Now I am guessing you are female (SE FTW!) and I just think you are jealous, of Ophelia b/c the guys just love her.

        I am with Threatrix. That “proxy” you using unless you set it up yourself (which I doubt) his run by hackers.

        Now this thought about “without hacker would be no need for sercurity” is just BS.

        BTW nice post Ophelia


        February 22, 2010 at 9:55 pm

  9. You are not spending enough time on paperghostsunderwear list – shame on you for being such a wanton hacktress! 🙂


    March 17, 2010 at 3:55 am

  10. Update moar. K thx bai.


    April 2, 2010 at 11:42 pm

  11. some cunt hacked my site, was it you?

    Fucking annoyed

    September 3, 2010 at 9:24 pm

  12. I understand that is off subject but I wanna give this peice of info with everybody I can; do not imagine in psychics! I comprehend it appears crazy but my coronary heart was broken nowadays as one attempted to carry back again reminiscences of a lost really like one. He was so convincing it’s disgusting! They are scammers! Anyhow stellar site, but much more articles please!

    Shea Seemann

    June 3, 2011 at 4:43 am

  13. this is fucking awesome


    November 7, 2011 at 3:38 pm

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