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a hacker, a fed, and a nun walk into a bar…

Posts Tagged ‘FUD

Cyber Shockwave? WTF is this shit?

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“This bot attack has spread from the wireless network to the internet.” “Virus migrating from cell phones to computers.” –Actual quotes from Cyber Shockwave

evil h4x0rs preparing to blow shit up

Heavy on the buzzwords, thin on the substance, and maximum FUD – that was basically what the whole exercise in stupidity futility hysteria “cyber warfare” was about.

Someone apparently thought that it was oh-so-likely that a smartphone app could be used to crash the entire cellular network, which somehow “infects” the internet, takes down air control systems, electrical grids, and…KABOOM! All this with this strange little something called ‘hax’.

Because, you know, all these systems are somehow connected to one another, and if one little part is pwned, it spreads to the entire system, goes on to spread and take down other seemingly unrelated systems, and then OMG DOMINO EFFECT EVERYTHING CAME CRASHING DOWN BECAUSE OF SOME EVIL H4X0RS!! THOSE H4X0RS, I’m telling you! Everything is down OH LAWD bring on the FUD and line my pockets with government contracts and restrict the internet!  IT COULD ALL COME CRASHING DOWN if we can’t have our filthy little tentacles slithering all over it and controlling everything! LOCK DOWN THE INTERNETS!!

h4x0rz were teh evilz and looked like this, even in 1995

The saddest thing is that most people don’t know any better, and those ignoramuses, brought up in a state of constant OMG TECHNOLOGY IS DANGEROUS AND IS GONNA KILL US OH FUCK PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN would push for and support draconian measures to lock-down the internet. Of course, this is what the FUD mongers want (apart from more and more $$$, all the time). If people behind this crap actually gave two shits about accuracy, they would talk to people who knew at least enough about security to mock their bullshit to their faces and send the whole exercise to the drawing board.

One of the best examples of how those blabbering talking heads didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about was when they mentioned that the government “Can’t control the electrical grid from a central control…as the systems are different…” and that there are “thousands of different systems in the electrical grid.” Well, if that is the case, how the fuck did anyone think it is possible for the entire grid to be pwned by the same “rogue-smartphone-app-botnet-virus-whateverthefucktheycalleditatthe50minutemark” that took down all the other parts of the grid – and even all the other systems – and not only that, but at the same time?


(They probably learnt what a botnet was last Thursday in a cram session to make sure they looked like what passes off as ‘good’ on TV. Ignoramuses.)

What exactly do they think makes such a retarded scenario possible? Are they telling us that all those systems are public-facing? All of them – every single one – linked to the public internet? If that were the case, those responsible should be prosecuted for criminal negligence. They deserve to get pwned for being that retarded, but this level of ignorance is fucking criminal.

Now, now…I don’t think that is the case at all. Not all of these systems are public-facing, and there isn’t one central command that controls all the systems that OMG ONCE IT GETS PWNED EVERYTHING TOPPLES DOWN LIKE DOMINOS. Therefore, the only excuse I can think of for this embarrassment of an exercise is that they took technical advice from Hollywood. That makes sense now, doesn’t it?

As I earlier remarked on Twitter, why didn’t they ask real hackers for input on Cyber Shockwave? Oh, right – we’re all evil berserkers who blow shit up via smartphone apps.

a h4x0r stealing your gigahertz

Disclaimer: This post is heavy on the sarcasm, insults, and my weird sense of humor. If you don’t get it or are too stupid to figure it out, I’m sure Carolyn Meinel would be perfectly willing to help you. Now, GTFO.


Written by ophelia

February 22, 2010 at 6:36 am

Posted in FAIL, rants

Tagged with , , , ,