ophelia's blog

a hacker, a fed, and a nun walk into a bar…

Posts Tagged ‘protips

“How do I hack?”

with 13 comments

Hacking done right

This is a question I’ve been asked countless times by internet kiddies people who want to learn HOW TO HACK, I mean, seriously!

[sarcasm] Because, you know, people who actually want to learn a thing or two about computers hang around skiddie IRC channels and Twitter asking “How do I hack?” when they spot the nearest computer-literate person around. [/sarcasm]

Now, if you ask me this question and I’m not nice enough to ignore you, you’ll usually be presented with a set of instructions that are guaranteed to fuck up your computer in ways you never thought were possible – and best of all, all of that would be from your own doing. If only you spent a few minutes on Google looking up what those instructions would do, nothing would have happened and your precious little Windows box would remain the precious little pile of dung that it always was…but then again, if you cared and had the motivation enough to do a simple search, you wouldn’t be asking me “How to hack?”

I’m not known as a nice person online, but as I said, I try to generally be semi-nice, and after being gently reminded by people older and wiser that I am that being nicer wouldn’t hurt, I’ve decided to do a favor to all you kiddies who are oh-so-interested in knowing “How do I hack?”

Now that you’re paying attention: Do not ask that fucking question. It is meaningless and only makes you look like a retard. Do not even try to phrase it differently, as that question is still stupid and you still suck.

If, and only if, after doing a Google search or RTFM-ing and trying to figure shit out for yourself do you still have a question, mention what exactly is it you’re trying to do. Asking how to “hack” is so vague and meaningless as to make it a waste of time to anyone involved, but if you ask a specific technical question and show that you cared enough to attempt to find an answer for yourself, people will WANT TO HELP YOU.

BE SPECIFIC. Ask questions that can actually be answered. Ask questions that make you sound like less of a dumbass.

If you want to crack your gf’s MySpace account and you ask me this specifically, you will be mocked. Now, I know you kiddies are already wailing “But this is a specific question! Why are you laughing??!1!!!!”

Hey, dumbasses. The usual rule of asking questions, the all-important “DO NOT ASK STUPID QUESTIONS AND DO NOT BE DUMB IN GENERAL.” still applies.

What, did you really think I was going to let you off easy?

Written by ophelia

July 25, 2010 at 12:55 am

Posted in FAIL, rants, tech

Tagged with , ,